My idea for my first birth was for it to be a water birth. Oh, how I wanted to do that. My mother told me of how she wanted that when I was born, but being the late seventies, that wasn't much of an option in a hospital. But at least they dimmed the lights and turned on some soft music. Anyway, I'm straying. So, I couldn't do the water birth either. My insurance and the hospital gave me the thumbs down. Well, I was going to have my firstborn's birth be as close to what I wanted as possible. My choice: natural, prepared childbirth. My husband and I toured the hospital (it was a birthing center in a hospital), went to childbirth classes, read books, looked online. We wanted to know what was going on. It amazes me how some people can go throughout their entire pregnancy and never even learn anything only to arrive at the hospital not knowing what to expect and their options. They usually have the longest, most difficult births in my opinion. Back to my story though. I absorbed everything I could. I ignored the naysayers, which were aplenty. I stuck to my belief that through natural childbirth I could deliver my child smoothly, quickly and have the best experience that I could hope for. Don't get me wrong, I was fully aware of the possibility of a cesarean section, or anything else that might arise. The good part to those were, I also knew what to expect and my husband knew what he had to do in those situations as well. It really didn't take a lot of work to plan for my child's birth. On the contrary, it always seemed like there was so much more information out there. I suppose I was just interested in the entire pregnancy and birth, as well I should have been.

My son was due on November 10th, 1999. About a week before his due date, I was 70% effaced, and about 2 centimeters dialated I believe. I worked up to the last 10 days, and was always very active and positive about the entire birth. I attribute my pre-pregnancy progress to those things. It was a Monday afternoon, and my husband was sleeping (he worked at night then). I was tired of being pregnant, and wanting very badly to meet my baby son whom I had been carrying around for nine months. I wanted to give birth. I still had two more days until my due date, but I really was ready. I knew I was almost fully effaced already and had a head start on the dialation. I had read about nipple stimulation as a way to induce or "guarantee" the birth of your baby on their due date. Well, being tired and pregnant, I thought I'd give it a try. I stimulated both nipples for about 20 minutes. During this time I started having contractions. They were moderately strong. I was so used to contractions, I remember being 5 months pregnant when I felt my first one. From there on out, it was just something I felt every day. So, the contractions continued for about an hour and a half being pretty close together. They were irregular though somewhat. Then, they just stopped. Well, I thought, that didn't do much. So, I just resigned myself to waiting until this little guy was ready to be born.

I had gone out that evening with my mother to run some errands. I was still in a frustrated mood, I think I remember telling her that "this baby is never going to be born". I wasn't feeling too great. She reassured me that he would be born when he was ready, and all I could do was just wait. She didn't think I had long, I was awfully close to my due date. I went home, cooked dinner for my husband and I, but couldn't eat. I started feeling really naseous. My husband and I knew that this was a sympton of oncoming labor, but didn't really want to get too hopeful I think, just in case. I felt awful. I went to bed that night before my husband left for work. I had to sleep, I couldn't take the nasea. I remember waking up somewhat, having a contraction. It was very strong, but I was half asleep and just wanted to get back to sleep. Then it dawned on me and I woke up a little more. This contraction was really strong! It woke me up! I started getting excited, not too much, but thought that this might be it! I looked at the clock, it was 2:30 am early Tuesday morning. It was the 9th, one day away from my due date. I grabbed a pad of paper and a pen. Wrote down the time of the first contraction, then the time of the next, noted the time between and the length of the contraction. Well, it was about a minute long and 5 minutes apart. I got up, grabbed the phone and my notepad, and went in the bathroom. I ran the shower, got in and thought, if this isn't real labor, the warmth should ease the contractions. A few minutes later, my husband called me from work. Funny he should call in the middle of night just then. He was checking on my because he "had this feeling". I explained to him what was going on. It could possibly be labor, but I wasn't sure yet, I had been having contractions, pretty regular, and close together for about a half hour. He told one of his co-workers and she said she'd give him a ride home. When she heard that it had woken me up, she said he needed to get home. I wasn't sure and didn't want him to miss work in case it was just a false alarm, but he didn't listen to me. He got home and took over the timekeeping while I breathed and walked through the house. I called the hospital to let them know the skinny around 4:30am I think, since I told them I wanted natural childbirth (and because it was my first and I don't think she thought I knew anything about labor and delivery), she told me to wait a little longer, then come on in. I've heard most labors for the first take about 12 hours. So, I guess we had some time then. About 5 am I called my parents, since my mom was going to take us to the hospital so she could be there for the birth. I let them know what was going on, they both headed over. My dad gave me a quick kiss between contractions, wished me luck and he headed off to work. Our bags, which had been waiting for this day for about 3 weeks, were waiting by the door. My husband loaded them into car, they helped me in, and off we went. The whole way there, I kept telling them that I felt his hand moving around right about the area of my pubic hair. They reassured me that it wasn't his hand, that's where his head was.
So we arrive at the hospital, and up to the 3rd floor, maternity center we go. I knew the way (from the tour) and headed right to the nurses station to check in. They had me give them my insurance number and off to triage we went. My husband and I spent about an hour in there total I think. They did an exam and found that I was 5 centimeters dialated. They informed me I definitely was in labor and I was staying. FINALLY! I was so excited, as was my husband. My husband called people to let them know this was it, and he wouldn't be back to work for 3 weeks (his maternity leave). After the exam and some bloodwork and filling out a few forms, they asked me if I was planning on an epidural and so on. I told them "no way". I gave the nurse a copy of my birthing plan (I brought about 5 of them to give to any of the people that would need them), she looked over it and we briefly discussed it. I wanted natural childbirth, no drugs, and no episiotomy (the whole thing bothered me). I also wanted to use active pushing positions (didn't want to have to lay down, that is counterproductive!). Since I had wanted to use the jacuzzi or whirlpool bath, they brought us down the hall to our room and then showed us the jacuzzi. At this point, I remembered that my mother was still waiting down the hall, wondering where we stood. She happened to find us just as we were going down to find her (boy am I glad people can pick up on what's going on!). I told her the news and showed her where my room was and then off to the jacuzzi we went. Ice water in hand, my husband helped me ease into the tub. He climbed in with me and we worked through the contractions. I had wanted to use the jacuzzi because of the soothing benefits it provided, and it was wonderful! I loved it! It really helped ease the strong contractions. It was nice, both of us were talking a bit between contractions, the excitement was up. Luckily for the both of us, my husband is a very calming person. That way, we kept our focus calm, but excited. How could we not?? This day that we had waited for was finally here! It was going to happen! After maybe 45 minutes in the jacuzzi, I was having a contraction and then "POP!", I told my husband that I thought my water had broken. I pulled the cord to signal the nurse. She came in and I told her the same thing. She said that we should go on over to our room and she would let our nurse and doctor know. I waddled in there and layed down on the bed so that I could be examined. Examination found me to be 9 centimeters dialated! 4 centimeters in about an hour. Bless that jacuzzi! Everyone was getting everything ready, and in came the doctor. He gave me an exam and was having some trouble finding out how many centimeters. The reason- he told me I was 10 centimeters and fully effaced. The doctor went buzzing off and my nurse was there, who was so calm and wonderful.
At this time, my husband was right next to me, my mom was in the room, and then the nurse went out for a second, I told my husband and my mom that I felt like I really had to push. I was immediately told not to, "little breaths" and my mom went out to get the nurse and doctor. They came back in and by this time I was feeling naseous with my contractions. My son's heartbeat starting slowing down and they told me I needed to lay on my side to help. That was probably the worst part that I can remember, aside from the nausea. His heartbeat picked up and they let me get back to normal position. That was a huge relief! They used a little perineal massage to soften the skin instead of an episiotomy. When they told me I could start pushing, I was so happy! I remembered from class that big pushes with those "lifting weights" sounds were what was needed to deliver. High pitched noises and screaming meant you were pushing incorrectly and not making any progress. Also holding your push, so when you took a breath you didn't suck the baby back in was also important. I kept this in mind and pushed my hardest. After a few pushes, looking in the mirror I could see my baby's head just a little. I asked the doctor if I was doing okay, as it seemed like it was so difficult to get this head out! He assured me that I was doing great, and to keep it up. A few pushes later and the head was out! I heard them say the cord was wrapped around his neck and they had to cut it. A bit concerned but focused on the delivery I waited as they cut it. The reason why it was so hard to push the head out? My son's hand was curled up by his face. I had just pushed out the head and his arm right next to it. That added quite a few inches in circumference! Unfortunately, I did have quite a bit of tearing inside and out because of that hand being there. There's only so much elasticity in the skin! The stitching up took a long time (but they did a great job and that's the important part!) and I couldn't wait to hold my son again..Okay, the cord is cut, the head's out, now I just had a few more pushes and there he came. Beautiful, naked, little cries on top of my belly he went. They quickly rubbed him off, suctioned him and then wrapped him. My husband got to cut the cord as he'd wanted to (even though they already had to during birth), they clamped it and let him do it cerimoniously. My son was immediately put to my breast within minutes of his birth, as I had requested on my birthing plan. I asked the nurse if it took me a long time to push, she laughed quietly and told me it only took about 15 or 20 minutes! The staff was very impressed with my quick delivery and even a day early! I must say I was too. It all turned out so much like I had planned. I even went home the next day because I didn't want to stay in the hospital. It was so sweet, my husband and my son all piled into the hospital bed that night to sleep. Our first night as a family. We still do that today. Minus the hospital of course. To think everyone told me in their condescending voices that it wasn't going to be easy, and that it hurt so much. To this day, it wasn't the contractions that were bad to me, it was the nausea and laying on my side! Labor and delivery are very manageable. Unless you have complications such as needing a c-section, or not going into labor, you can easily have a natural delivery. I didn't want to prolong my delivery. It took, from onset of labor to delivery about 6 hours. SIX HOURS. I still strongly believe that it's because of my positive attitude, the support of my husband and the knowledge and plan that I had. Be strong, be positive, and welcome your baby's birth. Be informed and remember that it is YOUR birth, unless medically necessary, YOU make the plan for how you want to give birth. No one can tell you what position to give birth in, or whether or not you should have an epidural or episiotomy. It is your legal and human right. Enjoy this day, you will remember it for the rest of your life. Make it a positive experience.
Our son is now 9 months old, and the cutest little guy I've ever seen. We are planning and trying for our next baby already. Having a family has turned out to be such a wonderful experience for my husband and I. The next delivery could be completely different, but we're going to go into it with the same attitude, and I believe it should turn out just as beautiful.

Written by Christina Cartwright
8/14/00
Son, Damien Nikolas Cartwright was born on November 9th, 1999 at St. Vincent's Hospital in Portland, Oregon.
6 lbs. 5 oz. 18 1/2 in.

note: (update) The differences between what I knew then and what I know now is immense. As prepared as I thought I was then, after even more learning, research, and getting to know myself even better, I would never give birth in a hospital again. I had as little intervention as possible in a hospital with Damien's birth really, but when people in the hospital were around, that's when it interfered with how I wanted things. The best times I remember was being home alone with my husband and then alone with him again in the jacuzzi at the hospital. For me, birth is not a medical procedure, but a human condition and a natural event.

Here is my mother's account of Damien's birth. It was written a year and a half after the birth, so some details were fuzzy. I corrected the first two times, but others may be off a bit.

The Birth of My Grandson, Damien Nikolas Cartwright

The call came about 5:00 am in the early morning hours of November 9.1999. My son-in-law Jim called to tell me that my daughter, Christina, was in labor and that he had called to notify the hospital. I could hear her breathing and laboring sounds in the background as we talked.

According to her birth plan, we had arranged to take them to the hospital when she went into active labor. So I got up, got dressed and arrived at their house at 5:30 am. It was a short trip to the hospital and I listened, as she breathed through each contraction, her husband encouraging and supported her with soft words. I drove with focus and caution, thinking all the while of my precious family in the back seat of the car.

We arrived at the hospital about 6:00 am, I sat down in the maternity waiting room while my daughter and son-in-law walked through the doorway and disappeared around the corner. I had brought snacks and some reading material but found my mind wandering and my stomach hungry for breakfast. After a quick trip to the second floor cafeteria, I settled into my chair, drinking a cup of coffee and eating a muffin while watching maternity staff greet each other through shift changes. I kept watching the time go by, finding it difficult to sit calmly and wait with anticipation for the impending arrival of my grandson.

At about 8:00 am, I walked down the hallway of the maternity section to inquire about my daughter’s progress. Her room was empty and when I asked where she’d gone, a nurse responded that they were in the Jacuzzi. So I returned to the waiting room trying to occupy my thoughts by reading a magazine, but my eyes kept turning to the clock on the wall and about 8:45am I had the feeling that I should go check on my daughter.

She was just returning to her room as I met them in the hallway. Her membranes had ruptured and she was close to delivery. Nurses helped her to her bed and began preparing the environment for delivery. Her doctor arrived and checked her, commenting that she was doing well. We could hear the baby’s heartbeat on the monitor. Christina continued to remain calm, breathing and focusing through each contraction as the medical staff worked with her. All the while she stayed focused, resting when she could, between contractions. Her husband, Jim was right at her side with soft soothing words of support, attending to her needs, coaching her through each contraction. She expressed the urge to push, and doctor and team encouraged her to go ahead and push. She seemed to put her body and soul into the moment, exerting and concentrating all her energy into each push.

I moved to the side of the bed while her doctor encouraged her to push, telling her she could see the baby’s head and hair. The maternity nurse was caring and soothing with words of encouragement, telling her she was doing well. The excitement mounted as the doctor said to push with the next contraction and the baby’s head began to crown. She had a team of people; husband, mother, doctor and nurse vocally coaching her with positive words as she pushed to deliver her son. The doctor said, here’s the head and at that point we saw the head delivered but the cord was loosely wrapped around Damien’s neck. The doctor explained that she was going to cut the cord to clear his neck and I noticed that my grandson had his left hand folded against his left cheek. As soon as his head was clear, my daughter gave another push and my grandson, Damien was born at 9:03 am.

What an incredibly exhilarating moment. I stood close to the bed taking pictures of my grandson who was now 2 minutes old and joyously being welcomed by his parents. He was placed on his mother’s tummy while they cooed, welcomed and touched him, taking in the beauty of their newborn son with their hands and their eyes. I remember wanting to watch in silent wonder, so as not to disturb the beauty of this moment for them. The tiny face looked up and smiled at his mother, revealing a dimple in his chin and dimples in his cheeks. I continued to take pictures of this incredibly wonderful scene, capturing smiles, peaceful satisfaction and overwhelming joy in the faces of my daughter and son-in-law.

The doctor finished delivering the placenta and asked my son-in-law to symbolically cut the cord. Then this new family enjoyed the quiet comfort of meeting and bonding together for the next two hours, while nurses checked in, making my daughter and her baby comfortable. What a peacefully soothing entrance for my grandson; to be born and immediately placed against his mother’s skin and gaze into her eyes. They soaked up each other’s faces, this new family.

About 11:00 am the nursing staff began to move about the room, measuring, weighing and checking my grandson while preparing the bassinet area to warm him. One nurse asked who wanted to bathe the baby and my son-in-law quickly volunteered and was encouraged to gently bathe his son while I happily took pictures of this unforgettable day. My daughter lay back resting and watching father and son with a soothing, pride filled smile across her face.

This day had been an incredible journey for me culminating in the birth of my first grandchild. As I watched my daughter, Christina delivering her son, working with purpose, focus and calm determination to a smooth delivery, I felt an incredible sense of pride swelling within me. I was with her, encouraging her with words and spirit, my body and mind realizing and recapturing at the same time, the moment of her birth and delivery, as I watched her giving birth to her son. It was as though these two birthing events were overlapping time and it became at once a physical and spiritual moment of womanhood, a fixed moment that joined mother and daughter in a unique way.

I was so proud of the great job she had done, determined effort and focus she retained delivering her son after only pushing about 15 minutes. To experience the birth of my first grandchild was an unbelievably fulfilling occasion, allowing me the special opportunity to see and greet this new life as it began. It has created an especially close bond between my grandson and I. I feel very privileged to have been present at the moment of his birth, to gaze and smile at him with love and awe.

Jo Ann M. Frazier, Mother of Christina M. Frazier Cartwright and Grandmother of Damien Nikolas Cartwright.