In other cultures, prolonged nursing is acceptable and natural. We should be willing to set aside our cultural expectation and give the little ones what they need. Gradual self-weaning is best.

Ideally, a baby should wean him/herself, usually after at least a year and preferably after two years. Some children want to nurse longer. Sometimes a child will stop nursing and then want to resume when a new baby arrives, or when there is sickness or accident.

The world average for breastfeeding is 5 years old! The average in the U.S. is just 6 months, many wean at 6 weeks! Isn't that amazing?!

I breastfeed my babies exclusively, until they are about 1 year old. Then they eat some solids in addition to breastfeeding. I have never bought "baby food"; my children eat what we eat. I mash up food that is not easily chewed with a fork, or I just chew it up myself and feed that to the baby. It may sound yucky, but my baby doesn't mind and my saliva helps with digestion.

I use breastfeeding as birth control. I do not ovulate until my children are around 2 years old. Read Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing by Kippley, for more information.

My two older children nursed until they were around 2 1/2 years old. Both times I was pregnant by then and they weaned themselves due to my milk being less and tasting different. My youngest is still nursing. A good book to read is Mothering Your Nursing Toddler by Bumgarner.

My children go on to drink distilled water and organic soymilk –in a cup. As they gradually cut back on nursing, it becomes a nurturing function more than nutritional. When they are ill, or get hurt, or feel scared- they always nurse more. They nurse to fall asleep at night and to wake up in the morning. I do usually cut out the mid-night nursings when my children turn 2 years old. By that time I am ready to sleep the night through without any disruptions.

How do I make this change from night nursing to not? I talk with my child about not nursing until daylight. I let them know that I love them and will hold them, rock them, rub their backs, massage them, sing to them, cuddle close, anything except nurse them in the middle of the night. I will nurse them to sleep at bedtime and in the morning before we get out of bed and all through the day, but during the night my breasts need to sleep too, as they are tired after two years of nursing. I tell them that they are growing up too. The first few nights can be difficult, but stick to your word and before you know it, you will all be sleeping without disruption all night long. I know this sounds cruel and I didn’t really like doing it, but it got to the point where I was resenting nursing in the middle of the night. I was getting angry and I knew that I had to change things.

Nursing a toddler is very different than nursing a baby. They nurse more aggressively and can empty a breast quickly. Their suck is stronger and sometimes not as comfortable as it was when they were smaller. But I really like the cuddling and snuggling, toddlers are always very busy and having them stop for a few minutes and snuggle close is a joy. Also by this time you can explain to them that "now" is not a good time for you to nurse, but as soon as you finish "what ever" you will sit down and nurse. Usually they can wait the five minutes.

I also love the comments toddlers make about nursing and your milk. I recall my oldest son saying that my "na-na juice was the yummiest thing ever." And during my 2nd pregnancy he said that my na-na's were broken, but he still liked to nurse anyway. My daughter loved to nurse and twirl my hair with her hand at the same time.

Whenever I see a mother nursing an older child, I always walk up to her and give her my support. She is nurturing her child, she is going against the grain and I applaud her!

And please remember that many mothers tandem nurse two children, a baby and a toddler. These women vouch that it brings their children closer with a tighter bond. And the older child doesn’t feel left out after the new baby comes.

What a kindness and comfort it can be to some children after the birth of that precious new baby—precious, but maybe a bit threatening to them—for their mothers to take them into their arms for that old familiar kind of loving! Continuing to nurse your child is one way to show him that you still love the baby in him, too. And being a baby when he needs to will help him grow into his big brother role with less conflict. He does not need to be big all the time until he is ready, and he does not have to give up you entirely to this new baby.

My experience:
I did not have any periods after Gage was born and Scout was conceived. I conceived when Gage was 20 months old, after I got a tattoo on my lower back. I think the stress on my body from the tattoo caused me to ovulate, that or because I also had a cold and drank two cups of ginger juice. Erik and I said to each other that now would be a good time to get pregnant and I did! I breastfed Gage up to one month before Scout was born, he was 29 months old. He weaned himself of course.

I had my first period when Scout was 29 months old (2 years and 5 months). I had two or three periods before Reeve was conceived. I breastfed Scout up to 32 months old (7 months before Reeve was born). She weaned herself.

During pregnancy my milk changes and there isn't as much. I am sure that is one reason my children weaned during my pregnancies. My breasts and nipples get very sensitive while pregnant and I found nursing not so much fun during that period as well. I kept reminding myself how important nursing is to my child and just grinned and bared it.

I asked my children if they wanted to resume nursing once the baby was born, but both declined to tandem nurse.

Jennifer VanLaanen-Smit © 1999 jvan@ccmaui.com