Okay, I realize that some people have easy babies. If you are one of them, *some* of this won't make much sense :), but when my precious little girl, Ellen, was an infant, my life was like the description in the above box, and I certainly needed help and encouragement. Having a new baby was one of the most overwhelming experiences in my 25 years of life. Nothing compares to it!

When Ellen was new, I remember reading that some moms love caring for newborns--they actually enjoy serving their helpless, totally dependent baby. I thought, "You have got to be kidding. This is the hardest thing I have ever done!" Don't get me wrong, the rewards were great, but *at first* it seems that all you do is give, give, give. Well, as Ellen grew older, I starting missing that stage like crazy and really wanted to have another baby (I did have another one, by the way). This is partially because I know that a demanding baby whose needs are lovingly met turns (albeit perhaps slowly) into a giving, caring, loving child. It's also because I have learned some important things since I first had Ellen, and I'd like to share them with you. I found profound relief when I realized the following:

1) I did not need to train my baby to sleep alone (she preferred to sleep with me) as I continued to meet her nighttime needs, she would learn to do it in her own time (Ellen started sleeping through most of the night in her bedat age 23 months; now she is three and is always welcome in our bed, but usually sleeps in her own bed for the whole night).

2) Your child sleeping through the night is not the "sign" of a good parent--for instance, many good parents have toddlers who wake up at night to nurse (Ellen, age 23 months, wakes up once a night to nurse, but the time is getting later and later, so I guess someday she'll drop it! Update: She stopped nursing at night at around 27 months old. . . . She dropped it on her own.) I was so glad when I found out that was normal, and I don't need to worry about it!! :-) As I continue to meet her nighttime needs, she will learn to do it in her own time. Take a look at this great article called Will My Baby Ever Sleep Through the Night?

3) It was all right if she wanted to nurse "all" the time--she was not strange, I was not strange! I knew Ellen got enough breastmilk because she was gaining well, looked healthy, and had lots of poopy and wet diapers, but she loved to nurse for comfort as well as for food. I found out that nursing was often the only thing that would calm her down even if she had "just" nursed--and that's okay!!

4) You can't hold your baby too much!!! There are many super benefits to holding your baby for several hours or more :) each day. It *won't* spoil them!!! (It will encourage just the opposite thing actually!) Yayh!

5) One of the best things I learned was that it was okay to listen to my instincts and try to meet my baby's needs, rather than being made to feel terribly guilty by the advice of what I "should" be doing that I was getting from books and well-meaning people.

The often overwhelming first days will go by more smoothly if you relax, enjoy your baby, and remember "this too shall pass." Ask for help when you need it, but do not add worry to your life by trying to make your baby into something that she is not ready to be. As you consistently and promptly meet her needs (whether she's lonely, needs to be held, etc.) she will come to trust you and will grow into independence as she becomes ready. Strive to meet your baby's needs with a servant's heart and do what you feel is best for your family, your baby, *and* yourself.

You will probably wonder when things will get back to normal. It will never get back to the same normal you had before your baby came along, but having your baby as part of your life will become normal! And wonderful! And you'll wonder how you ever lived without your baby!

Also see my article Listen to Your Baby.

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